I’ve been a little slack-ish this past week about my writing and production at work. I have a good reason though – I’ve been moving into a new house. While it’s a time full of hope, excitement and optimism, it’s also a lot of work and has been frustrating because things didn’t go as planned – the internet installer showed up late, empty handed and had to reschedule, Costco didn’t deliver the mattresses the day they said they would, and the carpet installer had to reschedule four weeks later because their installation crew supposedly came down with COVID. My patience was tried over and over and over again! Because I anticipated having to wait on these companies and had an overlapping week between my old and new places I didn’t take any time off of work for the move. I should have. I’m exhausted from trying to do too much at the same time.
My health and my priorities would have been better had I taken the week of moving off. I have family and friends in town who helped that I could’ve spent more time with and thanked with my attention. I could’ve focused my energy on the task. I could’ve slept a full night’s sleep. I could’ve kept up my exercise routine – something that took a back seat to the move and to work. I could’ve gone grocery shopping and eaten healthier than take-out and delivery. Woulda, coulda, shoulda…..
Taking time away from work for personal things and to spend time with the people that matter in your life is important. Taking time just for yourself is absolutely necessary. Taking time to rest, recreate, socialize and unplug from productivity and responsibility is a “magic pill” for stress, an antidote to exhaustion and frustration, a vaccine for the workaholic. Unfortunately, many Americans are programmed that work comes first and matters most. Sometimes I wish I lived in a culture that worked more like 30 hours a week and valued the siesta or tea time. How many of you check your work email and texts on weekends, nights, holidays and on vacation? I do.
I won’t deny that I’m proud of my accomplishments that have come from hard work and commitment. By directing my energy into graduate school “on the side”, into coaching club volleyball that travelled all over the country, and into job projects under political pressure I definitely grew and learned and left my mark where I have been. I am grateful for these opportunities. But they also came at a price – most notably I sacrificed my health, identity, relationships, finances and spirit. Those are pretty big areas of life.
How often do you heap more on? Do you have trouble saying “no”? Are you a people pleaser or conflict avoider? Does your ambition take you into unbalanced places? Does your competitive nature drive your blood pressure up and restfulness down? I have struggled with all of these at times in my life, and still do today. I know I’m not alone in this.
It’s probably been more than ten years since I first wrote down the priorities in my life and started trying to organize my time and energy accordingly. I wasn’t very good at it, but I have gotten better. The hardest parts of changing priorities for me are 1) the guilt or loss I feel when I step away from someone or something, and 2) the pressure and challenge of getting others to understand when their expectation of me is the “old” way. Learning to manage the conflicts between priorities and responsibilities isn’t easy, either. One of the best tools to help change my life is having an accountabilibuddy (credit to June Schumacher for teaching me the word), a trusted friend who I can share an objective with that is supportive and hold me accountable for my choices.
There are many examples in the world where a person doesn’t take care of their diet and exercise until they miraculously survive a heart attack, or they don’t take care of their addiction until they burn out and are somehow still alive. A career and coaching can be an addiction too that actually damages the important relationships and total quality of life for a person.
As I’ve paid attention to my health and aging in recent years and shifted my priorities I’ve become more aware of the things that cause me harm. It’s usually in hindsight, though, that I learn a lesson – like moving last week.
By prioritizing myself and my needs, I’m better for everyone and everything else in my life. Some people – usually the ones that my attention is moving away from – view it as selfish. But most people who I thought would have been bothered didn’t notice, and most of them see I’m happier and better with them in whatever task or time we’re sharing.
Today my older daughter had the day off from college so I took the day off of work to spend with her. Despite the unpacked boxes in the house, we went skiing. It was the first day of skiing this season for me, and it might be the last this season. It whipped me; I’m not 24 years old anymore! It was not only priceless spending the time with her, but the skiing was fabulous and fun. A huge boost to my spirits and clearing of my mind for a few hours. When she left for work, I pretty much passed out from adrenaline and exhaustion taking an unplanned two hour nap. Guess I needed that too.
I don’t have living according to my priorities mastered, but I’m building momentum at it, getting happier and healthier and being better in my work and relationships. If you’ve never tried it, I certainly recommend writing down what’s most important to you and makes you happiest. It’s not an easy process, but you’ll be a happier person, a better friend and parent, a higher performing worker, and an more effective leader modeling purposeful living.
View From The Tailgate 