I love to host parties. In general, I love to host friends in some sort of dinner, drinks, picnic, softball game, reunion or game night. There are two ways I especially like to throw them: First, if there’s a guest of honor – say a birthday or a going away – they need to feel special and somewhat surprised by a meaningful gesture; And second, when the opportunity presents itself I like to have friends who are attending invite their own friends that my guests may not know to the event to help grow the tribe. Maybe that’s partially why I find parks and recreation so gratifying – my work is about creating opportunities for people to connect.
I’m currently in the middle of a bunch of small events that are fun to put together. First there was a birthday celebration for my younger daughter. Then there was an egg hunt event at work – modified for COVID of course. The next day I got to take both my daughters out for an Easter dinner. Days later I threw a killer but small birthday celebration for one of my best friends. Now the crème de la crème – I’m helping to throw a “prom” for my daughter and her boyfriend since the school district has canceled the Official Prom due to COVID.
I’m sure being an extrovert has something to do with why I enjoy planning events and activities that bring people together. I definitely get something out of it, some intrinsic joy and satisfaction. Sure, I like to spend the time with these special people myself. But I also like to give and make people feel special. When I choose the perfect gift for someone I get so excited I rarely make it to the birthday or holiday day it’s meant for!
I can spend weeks planning an event. When one is over I start looking forward to who might be my target for making feel special or what could possibly be the next event I plan. Is it an anniversary? A vacation? A holiday? Dude, even Flag Day can be a reason to plan something. I mean, there’s only 52 Saturdays in a year, right?
To me, few things are better than a party or picnic where food is central to the gathering and everyone shares in the prep work and cost by bringing something to share. (It goes without saying that music is a core ingredient too.) Years ago some friends, the Brewers, introduced us to a monthly family tradition of theirs – Taco Night. They invited large numbers of friends and family over for a potluck on the last Sunday of each month or something like that. Great times! Met some really neat people that way.
The summer when we moved to Iowa, a common pastime in our neighborhood was bringing your own chair and drink to someone’s driveway where they put out a fire pit. I tried to start a tradition of our own and hosted a couple of memorable Taco Nights too. The sense of community grew and friendships were beginning. Those hot summer nights were a blast! I got to introduce my young girls to fireflies and thunderstorms too.
Unfortunately, once school started and colder temps came people participated less. When the Taco Nights and fire pit parties stopped in Iowa and people either buried themselves indoors for the winter or in their kids activities I noticed the friendships between neighbors start to recoil around who lived right next door to each other. The convenience of proximity was a recipe for beating winter in smaller indoor spaces. The friendships didn’t really end, and when spring came people came back out and started catching up with each other.
But the next summer was different, a little less exciting in the neighborhood. A family had moved away. Commitments around kids activities grew for everyone. The state banned fireworks (thus ending the bottle rocket dances). Someone worked a new job with a different schedule. It was deflating, and I felt less a part of the neighborhood that year.
At work, some of the most memorable times with coworkers have also been around sharing food and drink. The 2019 Christmas party at the Community Arts Center was a smashing success. An end-of-year staff potluck at the Ushers Ferry Lodge in 2015. Yearly Friendsgiving lunches with the “ubiquitous green Jello”. Outings to an Aces (AAA) or Kernels (A) minor league baseball game. I don’t plan many events like this for staff. I probably should do more – at least I’d like to.
As I reflect on these communal experiences, what is most noticeable is how much happier we feel when we can be together, and when we’re together we find strength, comfort, a sense of belonging, love, and laughter in each other. Isolation creates the opposite in us. Even introverts don’t want to always be alone.
As a new spring arrives and we start to move past COVID, see if there’s a new tradition you can start or activity you can host regularly that increases the opportunity to bring people together. Don’t wait for someone else to do it and invite you, do it yourself. Try to pull together a minimum of three people from different households around any purpose. Be sure to include some food and drinks, and if it can include their dogs all the better. Invite people you don’t know, too.
They say it “takes a village”. Over the recent past I have seen politics and the election, the economy, diseases like COVID, social media, corruption and, for some, the loss of people close to them hurt most of us. As tough as the last year specifically has been, we need each other now more than ever, and we need to strengthen our relationships so we can both live happily again in community and be resilient together in the face of the next crisis.
Party, my house, this Saturday at 2p. Bring an appetizer to share. Join me!
View From The Tailgate 