I am most comfortable when I’m running around barefoot, wearing blue jeans and a t-shirt, usually white. I feel most like myself, simple, authentic, honest, and I’m comfortable presenting myself to others in that simple wardrobe so long as it’s clean. When I was young, I never wanted a job where I had to wear a coat and tie like my dad wore to his work. I find ties to be constricting. I ended up unable to avoid that though, because as an executive the work often calls for suiting up, even in parks and recreation.

As my kids have grown, my jobs have changed and I’ve moved between places I have become aware of the way we dress as a reflection of our location and roles, our identity. As I’ve worked with people, I’ve become aware of the masks we wear too. And I’ve experienced myself how we choose to add and remove the roles we play, and the costumes we put on. It’s interesting, but when I’m dressing for the day and find I feel like I’m putting on a costume or mask, I know something in my life is heading down a wrong path and needs to change. When the way I am about to approach the world is an act that’s inconsistent with my authentic nature, I need to take time for myself.

It doesn’t matter if I’ve simply slept poorly, if I am going through a phase experiencing tough feelings or if I actually hate something in my life – it’s time to get refocused. It doesn’t have to be negative stuff that is challenging me either. It can be some new thrilling activity, social group or a new commitment that is drawing me away from my true nature. When roles conflict I have a particularly stressful time. When I start realizing I’m acting, faking it, it’s time for a gut check.

We all experience these stressors at times. Some of us do a good job of taking care of ourselves, but many of us don’t. Often we continue to keep the show going to satisfy some external influence. But when we’re living for others instead of ourselves, we can’t be at our best in ANY of the roles and relationships we play. A big part of being successful and happy in our work, our relationships, and our solitude is taking care of ourselves, living according to our truest nature.

So, what is your truest nature? What does living as your authentic self look like? Walk though this activity with me.

Imagine you are alone, walking on a trail through a coastal rainforest landscape. It can be in the tropics or the Pacific Northwest. Your choice. You are headed to a natural hot spring, a geothermal pool, to pamper yourself for a while. As the pool comes into view you pause to take in the beautiful setting, the warm sun, the sound of the birds. You’ve arrived!

First you take off your masks so you can see and breathe better – your fake smile, your layers of makeup, your sunglasses, your coffee mugs are gone. You are alone, and you can let your guard down for a while. As you start to disrobe to get in, you take off the costumes of your various roles one by one. You take off your role a a scoutmaster and drop it on the ground. Deep breath. You take off your role as a volunteer and toss it aside. You crack a small smile. You take off your role as coach and hang it from a tree branch. You take off your role as a role model, teacher or counselor for others. You start to feel lighter. You take off your role as a professional or business person and toss it on a stump.

You turn and face the pool. You’re feeling stronger, but you can’t get in yet. You take off your role as son, daughter, sister, brother, cousin, aunt and other family connections and set it aside. You feel a little exposed. You take off your role as husband, wife, partner, or spouse. Now you may feel a bit vulnerable. You take off your role as mother, father or grandparent and carefully fold it an place it on the back of a bench nearby. Do you feel empty handed? You remove any physical and mental characteristics that remain – poor eyesight or hearing, a disability, too skinny, youth or aged, ability to read or write, a fear of heights – characteristics that influence your day.

Who remains? Who is the naked person getting into the perfectly hot pool of water? The person that remains is you at your core, your simplest most real self. When I do this exercise I usually come down to an answer like, “I am a man, an athlete, full of love – for myself and for others – singing and dancing with joy to share.” This probably sounds hokie to you, I know. But if I’m going to be honest I need to be vulnerably honest. You do too, and you can keep it a secret. Who are you in your rawest form?

The natural pool has done its job, and you’re feeling rested and satisfied. Your body temperature is up from being a little boiled. Your face is flush with energy. Your fingers are wrinkled like raisins. You get out of the pool and start to get dressed. You start with the physical and mental characteristics you took off last. You thoughtfully consider how you are able to stay true to yourself despite your age, eyesight, and different abilities. Next you grab your role as parent that you carefully placed on the bench. How are you parenting according to your truest form? Are you giving up or ignoring a part of yourself? Do you need to change anything? Then you grab your role as spouse or partner. Thoughtfully, you consider if you are living your true nature and how you can be more of it within the relationship? Same with the family roles that come next. Do you give up a part of yourself to an overbearing brother or mother-in-law? Next comes your career and your costume you get off the tree stump. Are you able to be yourself in your work? Better yet, are you passionate about your work and does it help you express even more of yourself? Next comes the role modeling, the teaching, the counseling, the coaching, the volunteering, and the neighboring aspects of your life. As you grab each of these roles, do they fit you anymore? Do you even need your masks?

Ultimately this is about reminding ourselves about who we are and taking care of that person first. Are you living every moment, and performing every role consistent with your definition of your rawest form? Be authentic. Make a regular habit to take time for yourself and ensure you’re living according to your raw nature. You’ll be better at all the rest of your life when you do.

You do you.