Recently I was watching families arrive at the sports park for a day of youth soccer games. Teams from surrounding towns traveled that Saturday morning to compete. I found it interesting how people presented themselves, reflecting the roles they played. The most obvious identifier was the team uniforms that the players wore. But it was more than that. It was the team sweatshirts and equipment bags, the team logos on car windows, and pop-up shade structures with team colors and some logos. It didn’t stop there. The coaches were in team colors from head to toe with team hats and jackets. Many parents also dressed the part. And this was youth sports…roughly sixth grade and younger. It was a festive and colorful park! These kids, coaches and families were proudly saying, “I am a Huskie soccer player!” This got me thinking about identity and the importance of what we think of ourselves.

(I also wondered if America has gone too far in professionalizing youth sports, but that’s a conversation for another time.)

Walking through a parking lot you can often see people’s identity just from their cars… the type of car they drive, the stickers and logos they put on it, what their personalized license plate says, and the sport accessories they attach. In choosing a vehicle type and color, and then customizing it to reflect their personality, they are telling everyone who sees their vehicle something about themselves – what’s important to them, what interests they share, if they’re a part of a group, if they’re bold and confident, if they have an ego.

You’ve seen many examples. You’ve seen the full-sized truck with the IAFF emblem in the rear window and custom plates that tell you the owner of the truck is proud to be a firefighter. You’ve seen the car with the huge Dallas Cowboys logo that takes up the whole rear window. You’ve seen the convertible with a pink ribbon decal on the bumper and the license plate that says something like “SURVIVR”. The list goes on… election bumper stickers, alumni license plate frames, home state decals, Calvin peeing on some brand, etc. For each of these owners, they are fiercely announcing to the world, “I am a __________!” (Enter firefighter, Cowboys fan, or breast cancer survivor in the blank). And good for them!

The way we see ourselves and present ourselves to others matters. This is our identity. It’s not just the physical characteristics that we’re born with; in fact, I believe we can overcome genetic appearances through identity. Our identity is chosen by us, created by us. It’s not just our name, but a combination of who we associate with, our actions and decisions, the language we use, the style we dress in, the profession we practice, and the way we think of ourselves.

Identity sets expectations for ourselves and for others about us. When we proudly tell someone what we are, what we identify as, we are saying we hold certain values, are skilled at some endeavor, we belong to some group… and we will behave accordingly. This is true whether our identity is currently true or we’re working to make it true.

Our chosen identity can be a very powerful change agent for us with many benefits. Identifying as a member of a group creates a sense of belonging, which is a basic psychological need. As we grow into the best possible version of this identity, our habits evolve to support it. You don’t see too many endurance athletes smoking. Having pride in oneself is essential to a healthy level of self-esteem. Telling others we are something, especially people who’s respect we want to keep, also invites some accountability to actually be that something.

In my own case, I proudly say, “I am a teacher!” I always am and will be a teacher, living with love and support for others in their own journeys of growth and development. As a father I’m definitely teaching lovingly. As an executive, I am always teaching my team, leading with love and support for their success. As a volleyball coach I’m certainly teaching through sport. To me teachers are approachable, honest, authentic, relatable, experienced, positive and modest. Teachers know they don’t have all the answers, and so they themselves are lifelong students. I think this describes me pretty well!

Try filling in the blank for yourself…. “I am a _________!”. You will initially answer with many different roles (ie. father/mother), descriptors (ie. outgoing), or your profession. Hopefully there are no derogatory answers for you, and if there are throw them out right away – you have gifts and strengths to share! Then say these statements out loud. Highlight the ones that feel true and make you puff up your chest with pride. Since it is difficult to be more than two or three, see if you can reduce your list by combining your answers and fleshing out descriptors and definitions like I did above.

Ultimately we’re getting to the question, “Who are you?” What stickers do you have on your car that fiercely shout, “I AM!”