I have this great friend, Johnathan. We met about 15 years ago at a Nevada Recreation & Park Society state conference (I think). We worked in neighboring agencies at the time, and later he worked as my boss for a short while with the City of Reno. I have always looked up to him as a mentor, and over the years as our careers have diverged our friendship has gotten better. We have co-presented sessions at several national and state conferences, and I pulled him into serving with me on the nationwide committee that helps plan the National Recreation & Park Association’s (NRPA) annual conference. Seeing him and his wife, Janell, at the national conference is a highlight of my year.

Johnathan is a very charismatic, friendly and kind man. He’s social as hell, and uses every opportunity to use his Dallas Cowboys clothing as a chance to invite banter over football and then make friends with you.

I have always known him to say, “People come into (and out of) our lives at a certain time for a reason.” This saying has been on my mind a lot lately.

Last month Johnathan, Janell and I were at the NRPA conference in Nashville. It was my first time in Nashville, and if you haven’t had a chance to visit I recommend it! All the live music along Broadway is as good as Music City’s reputation, and I really enjoyed the restaurants, parks and museums as well.

On my last night in the city, we were out to dinner together and we met this wonderful local couple, Kayce & Alan, at the bar and ended up spending 2-3 hours with them on their “date night”. They are fifty-somethings, remarried to each other, and both bringing kids into the family from their first marriages. As we got talking, for me, they were inspiring and gave me hope that I, too, could reinvent my life post-divorce. After all our fun, deep talk, banter and hugs goodbye, I could hear Johnathan saying (because he really did say it), “People come into our lives at a certain time for a reason.” The joy of that night in Nashville I still feel six weeks later.

Think about this saying a bit. The first thing that stands out for me is it implies that a higher power – Source, God, the Universe, whatever you call it – has a hand in the timing of events in our life. The second and probably more pleasing aspect is that we are purposefully in each other’s lives; we have something we are meant to give or receive, contribute or accept when we encounter each other.

When I look back over the chapters of my life I can see that there are several people who came and went simply because of the chapter. Teammates, coworkers, neighbors, etc. – all roles that end when the chapter ends. There are also people in my life who’s presence is stronger at times and weaker at times, but they remain a friend over the miles and years. For example, I have recently reconnected with several friends from high school after years of no contact because our graduation reunion year happened. And then there are people who enter our lives and never leave, like family. Some people spend years looking for someone magical to enter their lives. Sometimes people leave that we want to stay, and sometimes they won’t leave when we want them to!

If we could somehow have a visual timeline of the people who have entered and exited our lives it would have to look somehow like a complex rope weaving strands in and out, overlapping each other as the years passed. In that time we age, grow, change, move, have families, and people pass away. We meet different people all the time.

The chapter of my life that I’m currently living is an exciting one, and it’s just getting started. I wonder which of the people I’ve recently met through work, coaching youth sports, parties or the yoga studio will stay with me to the end. A friend of mine is currently looking to take employment elsewhere. I wonder if our lives will stay connected or fade away after she leaves. She has really inspired me and pushed me to grow and be better in the time I’ve known her. Will that change if she finds that new job? I hope not. Time will tell.

“People come into our lives at a certain time for a reason.”

Flip it around a little, and ask yourself if there’s someone whose life you might take a bigger role in. Johnathan’s saying doesn’t have to apply to meeting strangers at the hands of divine intervention when chapters of our lives change. You could make an effort to reconnect with an old friend and get back into their lives. Prioritize time with your spouse or children and be more present in their lives. Why not put yourself out there and see if you make a difference in someone else’s life? I chose to volunteer to coach Little League last spring and AYSO soccer this fall even though I didn’t have kids on the teams. I had a great time, and a bunch of families made memories around the kids.

We are purposefully in each other’s lives; we have something we are meant to give or receive, contribute or accept when we encounter each other. Yes, many people fade out of our lives as time passes but even then we often have memories and even some growth lessons that shape who we are today. I like the growing part, but I have to admit I like the giving part more.

Thank you Kayce & Alan, Johnathan & Janell. What a night!